Seriously these 2 slay me I love them so much. And as frustrating as it can be to have all of us in a small space (small even for people who are used to small spaces) it does work. It could be improved for sure. But then so can everything. In the wise words of Anais Ninn: "Perfection is static and I'm in full motion" And that applies to everything! It applies to learning to live afloat. It applies to redefining my relationship after going from barely seeing each other for 4 years to never apart each day. And it goes for my business! When I launched Creative Mermaids almost a year ago I didn't have a real vision. I knew that I wanted to keep writing fiction but I also wanted to create books and courses to help other stuck creatives (especially mama writers) to come back to their creative and vibrant selves. Because I had dimmed my light with motherhood. And I wanted to stop others from doing the same – or help them come back from it. I let gratitude cap me instead of catapult me. I always told myself I was so lucky with my kids, I should be grateful for what I had. Docile women are very easy to control – & that includes self control. I didn't trust that wild and creative self I was at my core. I tried to smother her. Thankfully it didn't work. And from intense grief the Creative Mermaids was born! Great things do come from pain. That's what the messy middle is trying to teach you. And you are allowed to make mistakes and be raw and grow from it. And that's why I'm proud to say that although Creative Mermaids is growing and changing and breaking out of it's own messy middle of beginnings, I'm really proud of the work I've done. And that I can with my children and not despite them. And in that vein I have a FANTASTIC International Women's Day announcement tomorrow! So keep your eye out for it! It's taking the initial work and using it for everything I want CM to be: helping you live a radiant and creative life, giving back so that others can have an education and future, and doing it in a way that creates a win win win situation. A win for those who want that radiant life & a win for those who may never otherwise afford It! 😄😄
My mermaid life. Today I woke up with so much joy. I spoke with two of my favourite people on voxer. I wrote for an hour. And as I spent Tuesday mourning my brother's passing, today I found myself in a place to tentatively celebrate his life. It still hurt but it was that messy middle place where pain and joy can coexist. And then I log on to social media and read about this latest shooting tragedy and part of me says to give in to the rage and the pain. But as today is also a new moon solar eclipse, and anger and rage is not what I want to carry with me. Not that there isn't a place for it. Because if I have a choice between apathy and rage I choose the rage. I hope that this polarizes people to look at what is going on in thier country and demand justice (that goes for Canada as well as the States. My stomach lurched and my heart broke for Colten Boushie's family this week). But I need to believe that love is stronger than hate. I do not mean to stick your head in the sand and pretend nothing is happening. Rather, with wide open eyes see where are things are going wrong and say I still choose to love. And in that love I choose to fight for what's right. I will change my life. I will not support this. I will reach out to learn about my privilege and how to use it to raise up others. If in that quest to make things better I stumble or fall and get "called out" I will see it rather as a way to be "called in". I won't run from pain. I will fight my way through it. Because I love this planet more than my own personal discomfort. And I see hurt as a mirror of where I need to heal. The world will heal when we stop seeing it as us versus them. We share it and we can't just write everything off as we're too small to make a difference. That's what the status quo wants you to feel. So long as everyone feels helpless there is no change. And the thing is you CAN only change you. Sure you can fight and rage and plead. And that is so much better than doing nothing. But even better again is saying I choose love & it demands that I make aligned choices. I think of others with my choices. And I change my world. And that can be part of a domino effect.
I love this little video. It is the messy middle for me. It’s also a great example of how easy it is to present a perfectly curated version of your life on social media. If I just took pictures and concentrated on one side of the beach I’d have nothing but drool worthy pictures of living life afloat in the Caribbean. But just 2 feet over (and where my family are watching turtles much on seaweed) there is a storm coming. Same beach. Same freaking moment! It’s the messy middle. People often ask me what I mean by the messy middle and the giant answer is it’s life. But for me it comes down to two major aspects of it. The first is that the shiny caterpillar to butterfly transformation that we are so often fed from TV really glosses over that dissolved into an unrecognizable goo in a cocoon phase. Anytime you need to go through something, you need to become that goo. And that’s the messy middle. More so, way too freaking often we believe it’s our weakness or our inability to do something that is causing the pain. We blame ourselves and we give up. Be it a creative project, a business or life in general that’s kicking our ass. It’s not true. This is where we get to fall apart to get stronger and emerge as the butterfly. That shit isn’t easy. And its not supposed to be. It’s supposed to transform you into something better. And that doesn’t come for free. But the reward is priceless. The other aspect is smaller but always there. And that is there is no perfect! Beautiful beaches get stormed on and you huddle in a hut. My lifestyle has it’s high peaks of awesome but also low valleys of sailing all day to arrive to a swell. Or the fact that even at anchor you feel that you are at sea. Its the messy middle of life. As Anais Ninn said “perfection is static and I’m in full motion” And so is my home. 🤓😜🦄 Although thankfully much less so tonight!
Paradise found at Sandy Island! And my daughter is all mermaid. After daddy got her set up she went off with him snorkelling for a good 30 minutes, her head never coming up once! Want to know my not so mermaid like secret? I'm terrified of breathing under water. I didn't expect it! I still remember how excited I was to go snorkelling for the first time in Vietnam. I geared up put my head down and had a blind panic attack. Totally out of left field. I wanted to be a marine biologist throughout high school because I thought it would mean diving for a living and communicating with whales! I can still remember my first dive a few years later in Cuba. Not having learned from snorkelling the dive was ten times worse. Blind panic and my brain screaming "you are not supposed to be able to do this!""" I finally gave up in Malaysia. Where the dive itself was all the beauty I expected, but that blind panic I was fighting off just took the full joy away. And so now I am like a floundering fish when I snorkel. Still sticking my head up way more than I need to, but at least doing it. And this is the thing. Maybe something you thought you would love you don't. And that's ok! You tried it. The failing is not in the not liking it part. It's in the never tried one. And maybe you just need to do it in a different way from everyone else. And they may even laugh at you. I know I'm comical out there. But that's not stopping me from seeking and seeing that underwater world the only way I can. And no one can take that away unless I let them. So who cares if you look silly. Or if you mess up. Jump. Live! And no one else can take the experience away unless you let them! And if you need help getting your own creative and vibrant life sorted check out the academy in link tree. January's coaching special comes with the Creative and Vibrant living virtual retreat as a bonus! And you have 3 months from booking to start to use it. And I never think you look or sound stupid. Just alive.
We lost internet for 2 days but we caught a fish! That counts right! Only it was a Barracuda and I couldn’t fully enjoy it once I discovered they are among the most likely to have Ciguatera. Although we were assured by the Prickly Bay sailing community that the fact it was caught in Grenarda combined with its small size meant it was safe to eat. We doused him (her?) With alcohol to the gills but it didn’t enjoy the first dosing. Full confession: I screamed. Then it was out like a light. Both kids slept through the entire experience! 😅😅😅 It was delicious. Thank you delicious fish! #fishing #barracuda #booksboatsandbabes #sailingfalkor #lifeafloat #familyafloat #sailing #grenada #fernweh #wanderlust #travelwithkids #fulltimecruisers #boat
So this time last year this would have been enough for me to cancel this trip. Just knowing we would be sailing through this. Last April I would’ve curled up in a ball pretending and wishing it wasn’t happening (actually I did exactly that when we sailed into Arcahon France in a tide versus wind situation and at low tide. Or exactly when they tell you not to go. I bawled in between hurling curse words at Patrick on what I was going to do to him should we live. Never worry about swearing around my kids. They are sailors and have heard it.) This time I was still scared. But the difference was I stayed up top and I watched. And even filmed. And refussed to curl into a ball pretending it wasn’t happening. Motherhood took me out at the knees. I went from someone who could crash her bike 3 times in forgein countries (twice landing in hospital) to someone who was terrified her “recklessness” would endanger her babies. (I wasn’t reckless, I was alive. There’s a difference! And you can read about them in my chasing summer book) https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Long-Way-Home-Newfoundland-ebook/dp/B074V65L1B But more importantly, this past year has taught me that I can’t be the woman I was. I am a mother now. I am more intimate with grief than I had planned for in 2017. (Not that anyone plans grief, but an illness can prepare you. ) And I’ve done the work to integrate. To be me again. But me all parts intact. Scars yes. But not open bleeding wounds that I pretend are not there. And I didn’t do it without help. @sarah_k_jones and @vickireisima you two in particular were vital for helping me come back to me. Sarah cracked me open and Vikki helped put me together again. I know you both would say I did it. And I did. But I has you 2 to guide me. Thank you!